1. Banta Singh joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Banta Singh : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it all right.
2. Santa Singh and Banta Singh were fixing a bomb in a car.
Santa: What would you do if the bomb explodes
While fixing. Banta replied : Don't worry, I have one more.
3. Santa Singh was busy removing a wheel from his auto.
A man asks Santa why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
Santa: Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
4. Banta Singh got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.5/- and took the ticket and said April Fool. I have a pass.
5. On a romantic day Banta Singh's girlfriend asks him.
Darling on our engagement day will you give me a Ring.
Banta: Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
6. Banta Singh: What is the name of your car ?
Santa Singh: I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Banta Singh: Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai.
Hamaara gaadi Petrol se start hoti hai.
7. Boss : Where were you born ?
Banta Singh: Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
Banta Singh: Kya which part ? Whole body born in Punjab.
8. How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.
9. Once Santa Singh declares I'll never marry in my life and I'll give same advice to my children also.
10. Santa Singh asked his new girlfriend Kammo what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Check books.
11. Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette & think about the workers in the ciggarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I dont smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this ciggarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS.
12. Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.
13. What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
14. My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.
15. When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.
16. A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession...even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!”
17. Santa after interview: Everything went fine till the time he asked me for my testimonials. I guess I showed him the wrong thing!
18. Raat ko ek ladki ne Santa ki car ko rukne ka ishara kia,
Santa ne car roki to ladki boli: Oh, Im Sorry! Main samjhi taxi hai.
Santa: Main bhi yehi samjha tha.
19. Banta: Was ur wife a virgin when u married?
Santa: I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.
20. Santa: Qutub minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Shyam Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar pe bhi raha karo.
21. Santa ne apni sagaai tod di kyunki ladki ganga ki tarha pavithra thi.
When asked why, Santa bola: Jo aaj tak kisi ki nahi hui woh meri kaise ho sakti hai.
22. Teacher: Banta, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Banta: Me!
23. Santa Singh to his Father: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me To write?
Santa Singh: Your name on this report card
24. Teacher: Santa, why do you always get so dirty?
Santa Singh: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
25. Teacher: Santa, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
Santa: You told me to do it without using tables!
26. Teacher: Why are you late?
Banta Singh: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Banta Singh: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
27. Santa Singh goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
Santa says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really,really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"
28. A very sexy & attractive female employee said her boss:
Sir, will u remove something from my T-Shirt?
Boss wow, what`s that?Employee: Your eyes sir......
29. Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai.
Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se ki hai.
30. SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife, Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta`s wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity:When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat:When I am on tour.
31. Sardarji nay English k paper k liay MY BEST FRIEND ka eassy tiar kia, lakin paper main MY FATHER ka eassy aa gaya, ab sardarji nay socha k my best friend ka he essay likhta hoon, lakin friend ke jaga Father ka word likh doon ga, Essay kuch yon tha:Fathers r everywhere but good Fathers r very rare,I have so many Fathers but Mr.Narayan is my best Father,he is my neighbour he often comes 2 my home, my mother likes him very much
32. Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
33. Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
34. Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.
Jeeto: Thank u Jee
Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.
Jeeto: Thank u Jee.
Santa: Shingaar v sohna kitaa aa.
Jeeto: Thank u Jee.
Santa: Par sohni pher v nahi lagdi...
35. Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tenuh eh vi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-MAy-TAKLI
36. Santa Singh Ji Zebra Crossing ke Black & White Patte par Bar Bar Idhar se Udhar chal rahe the ,
Woh kya soch rahe honge ? THINK ???? "SALA YEH PIYANO BAJTA KYO NAHI ??"
37. Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the d ealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. `But I think I know where I`m going wrong,` said Santa, `I think I`m planting them too deep
38. Santa is repeatedly buying movie tickets.
On being asked, santa replied: A man standing at the entry, tears my ticket everytime
39. Santa khali Handi me chammach chala raha tha to Banta ne poocha kya bana rahe ho?
Santa- BEWAKOOF bana raha hoon..
40. Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 500 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 500 ka bharwata hoon.
41. Once a school teacher told kids to write an essay on cricket match. Everybody was busy writing except Santa, he wrote "Match cancelled due to rain".
42. Santa was driving car zigzag on the road.
Traffic inspector stopped him.
Santa: Sir, I am learning the car.
Inspector: without instructor?
Santa: Sir, this is a correspondence course.
43. Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don`t believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
44. Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators
45. Santa & his wife buy coffee from coffee shop.
Santa said: Drink quickly honey..
Wife said: Why? Santa reply: Hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10
46. Translation from urdu to english... "Khushi key marey uss ki chaati phool gaye...."
SANTA: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.
47. Man: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya kahenge?
Santa: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal.
48. Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
Banta: really what is he studying? santa: he is not studying they r studying him.
49. Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.
50. A sweet girl goes to Banta `s shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
51. Sardar proposed a Girl......
Girl said Im 1yr elder to you...........
Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye,Ill marry you NEXT YEAR
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